I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
