You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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