Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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