You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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