who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
