She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize