so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
