I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
