Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
