I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
