Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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