I got chris browned last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
