Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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