"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
