I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
