it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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