There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
