Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
