I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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