the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Shame is for Republicans.
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