life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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