A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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