dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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