butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
