I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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