you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
