dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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