Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
