You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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