You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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