dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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