you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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