ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
