He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
