youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
