evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
