My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
