Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
