i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
