So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
