Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
