I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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