Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
