She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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