I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
