A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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