is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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