I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
