saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
