well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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