So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just high enough for therapy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
