coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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