I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
