mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
