i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
