So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
