so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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