I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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