Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
