I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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