Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
