I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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