What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
