I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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