You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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