The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
