is your mom at the bar?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
