my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
