my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
