Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
