before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
