My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
