Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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