Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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