She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
