explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
