ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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