all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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