His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We have so much sex to catch up on
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
