:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
