so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
