In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
